On this day where we celebrate the ultimate new beginning made possible by Christ’s birth I want to share with you the new birth of what God is doing in my life. I promised you a few weeks ago to fill you in on some of my plans for when I return in 3_ days. Here is fulfillment of that promise.

To tell you about what God is doing now, I must first take you back to the summer of 1992 at Ft Dix, New Jersey. While the whole world was watching the original dream team win the Gold Medal in the summer games God was placing a calling on my life. I was at basic training, fresh out of high school and really wondering what I had got myself into. One night in a dream I felt God was calling me to His Ministry; I didn’t know what it meant for sure but I was certain about the calling. I was so certain in fact that I wrote a letter to my pastor, Jerry Davis, and told him of my calling.

When I returned to Peoples Church in Dalhart, Texas I told the whole world of this calling. Working with Brent Leas, the youth pastor, he directed me to Evangel University where I planned to major in Biblical Studies. After failing Greek and coming to a realization that no one cared what a 21 year old with no life experience and no public speaking capability had to say, I placed this calling to the side. I always felt I would come back to it, I just never knew when or how.

When I look back at each experience I have had over the previous fifteen years, I clearly see how God was preparing me for what he is about to do. I also realize that I have more life experience in the past fifteen years than most people will experience in a lifetime. I have a story to tell and God wants me to tell it.

I have begun the process of applying for my credentials with the Assemblies of God. I am applying for a specialized license with a ministry focus of financial counseling. I don’t know exactly where this will take me; however, I know I want to eventually be on staff at a church serving in this role full time and I also know that will have to wait until I am debt free.

This transition in my life started about three months ago with yet another dream while the Army had me far from home (and yes I told Amy all about it months ago). This time I had a dream I was preaching at Silver Moon Full Gospel Church, Brother Fred E Franks’ church. I was preaching about debt, telling my story and centering on Proverbs 22:7. The rich rule over the poor and the borrower is slave to the lender.

When I return home I want to travel to churches and tell my story. I don’t want to do this for the money; rather my desire is to change lives. I want to be able to do more than just give them a motivational speech; I want to somehow transform this site into something that gives me the ability to provide follow up counseling to the members of the churches I speak to. I’m not sure how that is going to work yet, but I want to make myself available for free to those I speak to. I want to help people on a journey they don’t yet know they are going to embark on, not just get them excited about changing their lives and then fail to walk with them through the change.

As painful as it is to be separated from my family this Christmas, I am excited about the new birth that Christ has placed inside me. Merry Christmas!

Originally posted on 15 February 2007; re-posted today to say the pain does not fade.

Since I first found out of an impending mobilization, I knew separation would be a major issue to overcome. What I thought I understood in October of 2005 I discovered I had no clue about in January of 2007. When people say they understand, I now believe that only those that have experienced the same have the capability to understand. I thought I understood, but I was wrong.

When I sat in my Amarillo hotel room the night before I flew back to Camp Atterbury after New Years, not knowing if an end of training pass would be granted, I was physically ill and unable to sleep. I didn’t know when I would see my family again, or even if I would see them again. My Christmas Leave had been perfect, with a great conclusion. My mom had sent money to allow us to eat at some of our favorite places, my dad gave me a Burlington Northern engraved knife that will be a family heirloom I will carry the rest of my life, Jeremiah had fallen asleep in my arms, I then held Amy most of the night, and Sarah woke up early and came over and laid in my arms until I had to get up and get ready.

The airport was very hard. I tried to explain to the kids it would be baseball season before I came home again, and then only for a couple of weeks. They didn’t seem to understand, at least not Sarah. Then came the time to board the airplane…I waited until everyone else was on the plane, and I couldn’t take it any more. The lump in my throat and pain in my chest was unbearable. I cried as I hugged Amy and the kids. I wanted to cry for days, but was unable to. I was required to be in uniform. I couldn’t show that extreme emotion on the aircraft. When I arrived at Camp Atterbury, there was not a free moment alone to let the emotion go there either, between the open bay barracks and community bathrooms along with the hectic schedule, privacy was impossible.

In late January we received word that we would be allowed a two day local pass at the beginning of February. I was excited, so excited that I spent well over $1,000 to get my wife and kids there for what little time I would be able to spend with them. No the money wasn’t budgeted, but I didn’t care. Thankfully Amy being on active duty caused it not to be a budget buster, but I wouldn’t have cared if it was.

This time, Amy was only able to spend a little less than twenty-four hours before she had to fly back to Officer Basic, but I did get two full days with the kids. Amy leaving was almost as bad as my airport experience in January, and then leaving the kids at the hotel was horrible. This time they both seemed to understand. Sarah begged for another day. Jeremiah didn’t know what to say. I was again left in this predicament where I desperately wanted to cry and my body physically hurt, yet privacy was not an option.

After our formation, I was talking to a good friend of mine, Scott. He came up and told me about how hard it was for him to say good bye to his wife. He said he couldn’t imagine having to say bye to kids as well. He said he had no idea it would be that difficult. I told him I understood.

Now over a week later, and literally thousands of miles removed, the pain is still the same. The only difference is I finally have some privacy. Does the pain fade, or is it something I will carry for the next year? It has been the one consistent thing in my life since January 2nd. I assume it will be there until I come home.

Tonight the USO tour with the Sergeant Major of the Army stopped off in Bagram. It was hands down the best show we have seen although Toby Keith was a close second. The show tonight was two and a half hours long and included the Army band Downrange, LeAnn Tweeden, the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Darryl Worley and another up and coming country star that I can’t remember his name for the life of me.

Earlier today Colonel Howard, my Brigade Commander, dropped in my office to thank me for my work and give me his coin. It was a wonderful surprise; COL Howard is the person in my chain of Command that I really try to model myself after and I was honored to receive his coin!

Here are some more photos from tonight:

This is Darryl Worley singing I Miss My Friend; the song describes perfectly how I miss Amy!

This one is from a couple of days ago; we were all waiting to see Robin Williams, Lance Armstrong, Lewis Black and Kid Rock. Unfortunately the weather never cooperated, and they weren’t able to land at Bagram and they had no time to re-schedule. If you can’t tell, yes I was on top of a Milvan back behind the clamshell; pretty good seats considering.

I am not the Eeyore type of person at all, but the last few days I have been feeling sorry for myself. Even as I told one of my Soldiers the other day that you have to be pro-active and happen to life and not allow life to happen to you;  to overcome instead of choosing to be a victim, I was still walking around with the Holiday Blues.

Everywhere I go the song I’ll be home for Christmas is playing. The song reminds me that this will be the first Christmas in 34 years that I am not with family. It is especially hard because I am so close to going home; well under 40 days now. For as much as I complain about certain Christmas traditions, I promise I won’t complain next year. I guess I will be home this year after all; if only in my dreams!

Today we set yet another record for the most mail moved in a day for Afghanistan with a little over 109,000 pounds. To put that in perspective, one Chinook Helicopter (CH-47) will hold about 8,500 pounds and one twenty foot container on the back of a truck will hold about 6,500 pounds. Thankfully it looks like that will be the record we leave for the next rotation; I don’t have enough mail left to move that much again.

With all the mail we have been receiving, I have received at least 30 Christmas Cards this week; many are from people I know, several from people I don’t know, and lots of them have had 20 dollar bills inside. The money has been put to good use; I got my guys pizza for lunch and Burger King for dinner; they didn’t have time to make it to the DFAC with all the missions we had to load today, so thank you for helping me help them! I will be responding back to many of you as soon as I get a chance, but let me just tell you thanks for now!